I feel as though I should apologize for my lack of consistent bloggage, but then again...it's not like I have a huge fanbase or anything, so I'll just say...my bad.
Here's a quick recap of the past fourish months of my life.
Out of sheer hopelessness and boredom, I decided to do what's called a Discipleship Training School (DTS) with a huge international missions organization called Youth With a Mission (YWAM). This is decidedly out of character for me, as I prefer avoiding things with deep spiritual implications, mainly because I'm a wuss, but also partly due to the fact that in all reality...I wasn't a Christian when I decided to do this school. So, I start this school in New Orleans on September 26th, 2010...and now it's January 23rd, 2011, and I'm sitting in a flat on the fourth floor of an apartment building in the town of Torrejon de Ardoz, which is essentially a suburb of Madrid, Spain. Crazy, eh?! It's been one hell of a ride, that's for sure. I'm not totally sure why I felt compelled to write a blog tonight, but I feel like I have something to get off my chest...so, we'll see what happens.
Four months ago, I didn't believe in God. You see, there's this thing called practical atheism, which is unfortunately a rather popular "religious" practice in today's society. Essentially, practical atheism means that I was professing to be a Christian with my words, but it was just that...words. Nothing more. God was no more real to me than Santa Claus or the Boogie Man. Arguably less real. It's a fact, not just an opinion, that a large portion of the church today is made up of practical atheists. Paradoxical? Indeed. Don't take this as me judging or condemning anyone, as I am certainly not. I'm just saying what I personally came from. Anyway...what I mean by all of this is that up until a few months ago, my views of God were nonexistant, in reality. I was coasting.
Today, as I sit in this flat in Torrejon de Ardoz, right outside of Madrid, Spain...my views have changed. Is there a God? I think so. Key word; think. I thiiiink so. Is it easy for me to think so? Never. Every single second of my life I struggle with doubt. One second, the concept of a creator God sounds like something out of a J.R.R. Tolkien book. The next second, I surmise that the world is so incredibly screwed up that the only hope we have is in a creator God. Tonight, as I go to sleep (which will undoubtedly be a laborious process due to my three hour nap earlier this afternoon), my incessantly bipolar brain will be racked with doubt and disbelief. And is this a bad thing? To an extent, I would say no. Real doubt makes real faith even more strong. A wise friend told me a while back that he would trust a man who had doubted and found out for himself more than a man that believed blindly. Do I "hear" the voice of God? Almost never. But, consider this. Prior to my DTS, my life really, really sucked. I was super unhappy. I mean, listening to Stevie Knicks made me cry...lame, right? Yeah, she's got a super ballsy voice, but I was a little ashamed of myself, haha. But, though these past four months of my life have been incredibly infuriating and insanely mind blowing...they have been THE BEST four months of my life. Most of the time, I would say that this is sheer coincidence. But is it? Maybe so. But maybe not. I don't really know. I do know that I have been granted an ample helping of grace, and as my dear friend John Mark McMillan would say "If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking."
So, yeah. I have a hard time with the concept of a God, but I also have a hard time with the concept of NO God. Frustrating, yes? YES. My head is always swimming. I have a lot of issues with Christianity, both traditional and evangelical (and probably with whatever is in between those two factions). I very much envy those of you who have complete faith, but I'd challenge you to make sure your faith is genuine, and not practically atheistic. Another wise friend of mine told me just a month or so ago that "inactive faith is not faith at all", which was a real kick to the junk for me. Anyway. Check yourself before you wreck yourself, that's all I'd recommend. The Bible says that God would rather us be cold than lukewarm. My current life is this crazy mix of hot and cold. Like Katy Perry.
Anyway, kudos to any of you who read all of that. I hope you guys are having a sick time with whatever you're doing. Much love.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Friday, August 20, 2010
A little liberal thinking.
In light of recent events concerning the cessation of the Iraq War, I have read several Christian articles (and Facebook posts) once again comparing Christianity to a war. A battleground. They spoke of how we are soldiers, fighting the good fight (whatever that means), and boldly proclaiming glory and salvation in the name of the one true God...
...I just want to say, respectfully, that I totally disagree. I have a really difficult time comparing a faith that is supposed to be based on love, acceptance, and compassion to war. To killing people, whether the cause be just or unjust. Now, before anyone freaks out on me, let me say that I know the Bible talks about spiritual warfare, the armor of God, all of that stuff. And I know that in today's world of hypocritical pseudo-Christians and Joel Olsteens, being a true believer, a real light in the dark...is a daily fight, a constant struggle, dare I say...a battle. So, don't think that I'm discounting ANYTHING Biblical, or calling our faith easy, because it certainly is anything but. I just can't help but think that there has to be a better analogy, you know? Maybe this isn't as big of an issue as I'm making it out to be, who knows. I just think that we have enough conflict and hurt and war in the world. The Bible doesn't say "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son to teach us how to make nuclear weapons so we can scare nonbelievers into submission." I'm exaggerating, obviously, but only to reiterate my point. Don't call this Faith, which is inarguably the truest love left on our planet, a war. Don't call it a battle. A struggle, yes. Maybe even a daily grind. But a daily grind towards even deeper love, not even deeper victory. Converts shouldn't be counted like casualties.
I'm starting to think that this is just one reason that Christianity has a bad reputation in modern society. Lots of nonbelievers view Christian beliefs as irrelevant and archaic, just an old book that we recite to make us feel more empowered. But I know, and YOU know, that that's not how it is. The problem is how to make others know, others who are just as deserving and just as important. And I don't think comparing them to the enemy in a battle is a good way to do it. Just a thought.
...I just want to say, respectfully, that I totally disagree. I have a really difficult time comparing a faith that is supposed to be based on love, acceptance, and compassion to war. To killing people, whether the cause be just or unjust. Now, before anyone freaks out on me, let me say that I know the Bible talks about spiritual warfare, the armor of God, all of that stuff. And I know that in today's world of hypocritical pseudo-Christians and Joel Olsteens, being a true believer, a real light in the dark...is a daily fight, a constant struggle, dare I say...a battle. So, don't think that I'm discounting ANYTHING Biblical, or calling our faith easy, because it certainly is anything but. I just can't help but think that there has to be a better analogy, you know? Maybe this isn't as big of an issue as I'm making it out to be, who knows. I just think that we have enough conflict and hurt and war in the world. The Bible doesn't say "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son to teach us how to make nuclear weapons so we can scare nonbelievers into submission." I'm exaggerating, obviously, but only to reiterate my point. Don't call this Faith, which is inarguably the truest love left on our planet, a war. Don't call it a battle. A struggle, yes. Maybe even a daily grind. But a daily grind towards even deeper love, not even deeper victory. Converts shouldn't be counted like casualties.
I'm starting to think that this is just one reason that Christianity has a bad reputation in modern society. Lots of nonbelievers view Christian beliefs as irrelevant and archaic, just an old book that we recite to make us feel more empowered. But I know, and YOU know, that that's not how it is. The problem is how to make others know, others who are just as deserving and just as important. And I don't think comparing them to the enemy in a battle is a good way to do it. Just a thought.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Looking Up
So, I'm a stinky sack of fail when it comes to blogging, as you may have noticed. It is not August, and I haven't blogged since April. Interestingly enough, it's not because there has been a lack of a bloggable events in my life...it's more because, as I previously stated, I'm a stinky sack of fail. Whatever that is.
Anyway, here's what I was thinking. My first (and God willing, last) semester at college was hellish. I mean really, really horrible. If I was the cursing type, I would definitely use a bunch of expletives right here to express my absolute distaste. But, I won't. College gave me esophagitis. Don't believe me? Ask the doctor who gave me my endoscopy YESTERDAY. But, whatever, that's not the point. I remember one night in Levelland, I was walking from the commercial music building back to my dorm, and I was looking down...I mean, perpetually looking down, like at the street. And maybe it was me, maybe it was God, maybe it was the dude who lived in the dorm next to me and liked to leave PILES of his soiled underwear in the bathroom, but something, someone...told me to look up. So I did. And I have never seen that many stars. It sounds like a pretty simple thing, looking up. But how often do you do it? I'm not suggesting that we should all walk around looking at the sky...that could be pretty risky. But, since then, I've tried pretty hard not to look at the ground when I'm walking. I try to keep my eyes focusing on faces and places. I'm not one of those hopelessly optimistic people, so I'm not telling you that looking up will improve your perspective on life, or make you happier, or get you some kind of natural high...but it's way better than looking at dirt a lot. Unless you're a soil scientist...in that case, please disregard this paragraph.
I've also successfully avoided college for at least another six months, which is exciting. Towards the end of September, I will be moving to New Orleans to do a DTS (Discipleship Training School) with YWAM (Youth With a Mission). I never would have even considered this possibility before the mission trip I took to New Orleans in June, which totally made me not want to be in Texas even more. That trip also made me question the current state of my life. I'm a pretty decent dude...I've never broken the law or whatever, but I don't think I've been living it totally right, you know? When I got back, I realized how totally unimportant most of our lives can be if we remain stagnant. So, for me, remaining stagnant is going to college, or having a steady job. For other people, remaining stagnant could be not going to college and not having a steady job. It's different for everyone, obviously.
So anyway, that's what's up with me. Just trying to look up and walk at the same time, and trying to appreciate the perfectness (is that a word?) of imperfections. Like Joni Mitchell said...
"I don't care 'bout spots on my apples, leave me the birds and the bees."
Anyway, here's what I was thinking. My first (and God willing, last) semester at college was hellish. I mean really, really horrible. If I was the cursing type, I would definitely use a bunch of expletives right here to express my absolute distaste. But, I won't. College gave me esophagitis. Don't believe me? Ask the doctor who gave me my endoscopy YESTERDAY. But, whatever, that's not the point. I remember one night in Levelland, I was walking from the commercial music building back to my dorm, and I was looking down...I mean, perpetually looking down, like at the street. And maybe it was me, maybe it was God, maybe it was the dude who lived in the dorm next to me and liked to leave PILES of his soiled underwear in the bathroom, but something, someone...told me to look up. So I did. And I have never seen that many stars. It sounds like a pretty simple thing, looking up. But how often do you do it? I'm not suggesting that we should all walk around looking at the sky...that could be pretty risky. But, since then, I've tried pretty hard not to look at the ground when I'm walking. I try to keep my eyes focusing on faces and places. I'm not one of those hopelessly optimistic people, so I'm not telling you that looking up will improve your perspective on life, or make you happier, or get you some kind of natural high...but it's way better than looking at dirt a lot. Unless you're a soil scientist...in that case, please disregard this paragraph.
I've also successfully avoided college for at least another six months, which is exciting. Towards the end of September, I will be moving to New Orleans to do a DTS (Discipleship Training School) with YWAM (Youth With a Mission). I never would have even considered this possibility before the mission trip I took to New Orleans in June, which totally made me not want to be in Texas even more. That trip also made me question the current state of my life. I'm a pretty decent dude...I've never broken the law or whatever, but I don't think I've been living it totally right, you know? When I got back, I realized how totally unimportant most of our lives can be if we remain stagnant. So, for me, remaining stagnant is going to college, or having a steady job. For other people, remaining stagnant could be not going to college and not having a steady job. It's different for everyone, obviously.
So anyway, that's what's up with me. Just trying to look up and walk at the same time, and trying to appreciate the perfectness (is that a word?) of imperfections. Like Joni Mitchell said...
"I don't care 'bout spots on my apples, leave me the birds and the bees."
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Elton John > Politics
I know this isn't anything new, and that billions of people have had this revelation before...therefore, blogging about it seems kind of redundant, similar to how blogging feels in general, haha. I mean...does anybody REALLY care what happened to you today? Maybe not, maybe so, I don't know. And I'm not criticizing people with blogs. Obviously, I have a blog, and I talk about what happened to me today. It's just a funny thing, blogging. It's like saying "Hello cyberspace, this is me and this is what I did today and this is what I think." Which is cool, I'm totally down with all of those things. It's just odd, that's all.
Anyway, here's what I was thinking. There has a been a lot of hubbub (is that how you spell it? Is that even a phrase, or did I make it up?) about Obama and his new healthcare policies or whatever...I don't even know what it's all about, and I really don't care. Call me ignorant, naive, whatever...as far as I'm concerned, it takes awhile for Obama's policies to directly affect me, if they even directly affect me at all. I know the economy is in shambles or whatever, and I won't say that that hasn't affected me...but gas prices have been high since I got my freaking license anyway, so even though I'd totally be down with some cheaper petroleum, it's not like I'm unaccustomed to higher prices. And I don't eat vegetables, buy clothing, or gamble...so, monetarily, I'm pretty solid. I'm rambling. Here's muh point. Every morning (or, perhaps more accurately, every afternoon) I wake up, check my facebook, and someone else has joined some anti-Obama group. And I think to myself "Wow, that's effective." Because, let's be honest, it isn't. It doesn't matter if you hate it when you wake up in the morning and Barack Obama is president, because he IS the president, and you can't change that, at least not very quickly. Or, even better...the great "IMPEACH OBAMA!" group. And replace him with who?! John McCain?! Great plan. I know that these are risky statements to make while living in the South, but come on people. Be serious. You don't have to agree with the man, you don't have to like him, but don't be an idiot about it. Do you REALLY think that if Texas seceded from the United States we would be better off?! REALLY?! That's insane! We tried that once, and it didn't exactly work out, if you recall. Now, don't get me wrong...I dislike extreme liberal views just as much as I dislike extreme conservative views. I'm just not surrounded by liberals, so I don't have as much to say about them. And please, please, PLEASE do not take this is a personal bashing or anything. You are 100% entitled to have your own opinions, and I respect that.
Anyway, that is the first and last blog that I will ever write about politics, because they are stupid and ruin lives. The end.
Guess who's going to see Elton John on Friday?! THIS GUY!!
Anyway, here's what I was thinking. There has a been a lot of hubbub (is that how you spell it? Is that even a phrase, or did I make it up?) about Obama and his new healthcare policies or whatever...I don't even know what it's all about, and I really don't care. Call me ignorant, naive, whatever...as far as I'm concerned, it takes awhile for Obama's policies to directly affect me, if they even directly affect me at all. I know the economy is in shambles or whatever, and I won't say that that hasn't affected me...but gas prices have been high since I got my freaking license anyway, so even though I'd totally be down with some cheaper petroleum, it's not like I'm unaccustomed to higher prices. And I don't eat vegetables, buy clothing, or gamble...so, monetarily, I'm pretty solid. I'm rambling. Here's muh point. Every morning (or, perhaps more accurately, every afternoon) I wake up, check my facebook, and someone else has joined some anti-Obama group. And I think to myself "Wow, that's effective." Because, let's be honest, it isn't. It doesn't matter if you hate it when you wake up in the morning and Barack Obama is president, because he IS the president, and you can't change that, at least not very quickly. Or, even better...the great "IMPEACH OBAMA!" group. And replace him with who?! John McCain?! Great plan. I know that these are risky statements to make while living in the South, but come on people. Be serious. You don't have to agree with the man, you don't have to like him, but don't be an idiot about it. Do you REALLY think that if Texas seceded from the United States we would be better off?! REALLY?! That's insane! We tried that once, and it didn't exactly work out, if you recall. Now, don't get me wrong...I dislike extreme liberal views just as much as I dislike extreme conservative views. I'm just not surrounded by liberals, so I don't have as much to say about them. And please, please, PLEASE do not take this is a personal bashing or anything. You are 100% entitled to have your own opinions, and I respect that.
Anyway, that is the first and last blog that I will ever write about politics, because they are stupid and ruin lives. The end.
Guess who's going to see Elton John on Friday?! THIS GUY!!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
"I'm sorry, we're out of waffle bowls..."
Here's how crappy I am at this whole blogging thing...every time I decide that I want to write a new one, it takes me at least five minutes to remember my username and password. I've gotta work on that, haha.
Anyway, this is my blog about...customer service. As some of you know, I am fortunate (or am I?) enough to be an assistant manager at Marble Slab Creamery in Amarillo. It's a pretty solid job, and most of the time our customers are really cool. But every once in a while, we get someone who has obviously had a bad day and feels inclined to take it out on us poor ice cream scoopers. Now, don't get me wrong, I understand having bad days, and I understand not wanting to be cheerful. But, come on man! I'm giving you ice cream! If you're not in a good mood, then ice cream may not be the best solution. Go punch a goat or something. Here's the gist of my rant. Be kind to people in customer service positions. I know it sounds stupid, but it personally makes my day at work a lot better when people are pleasant and not complaining about how the ice cream is softer than they'd prefer, or how it's ridiculous for two scoops of ice cream to cost $4.17...even though it may be. But it tastes super good, and let's be honest...I look pretty sexy in that visor.
In other news! I'm going to see Ben Folds in May...be jealous.
Anyway, this is my blog about...customer service. As some of you know, I am fortunate (or am I?) enough to be an assistant manager at Marble Slab Creamery in Amarillo. It's a pretty solid job, and most of the time our customers are really cool. But every once in a while, we get someone who has obviously had a bad day and feels inclined to take it out on us poor ice cream scoopers. Now, don't get me wrong, I understand having bad days, and I understand not wanting to be cheerful. But, come on man! I'm giving you ice cream! If you're not in a good mood, then ice cream may not be the best solution. Go punch a goat or something. Here's the gist of my rant. Be kind to people in customer service positions. I know it sounds stupid, but it personally makes my day at work a lot better when people are pleasant and not complaining about how the ice cream is softer than they'd prefer, or how it's ridiculous for two scoops of ice cream to cost $4.17...even though it may be. But it tastes super good, and let's be honest...I look pretty sexy in that visor.
In other news! I'm going to see Ben Folds in May...be jealous.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Why I Am
Tomorrow is arguably the greatest day of the year for me...wanna know why? I'll tell you. Tomorrow morning, at precisely 10:00, I will be sitting at my computer in my Elvis pajama pants, ordering tickets to see Dave Matthews Band on September 11th, 2010, in Dallas, Texas, at the Superpages.com Center. To most people, this seems unimportant...some anti-Dave individuals will probably even scoff at this. But to me...it's the reason I have 14 versions of "Two Step". It's the reason that last year, when I first saw Dave Matthews Band live, I knew what song they were going to play judging by the guitar Dave had in his hands. It's why I have so many memories linked to Dave Matthews Band songs. It's why my best friends and I shush the heck out of each other so we can hear Dave's tongue-roll in the scat section of the Live in Europe version of "Cornbread". Need I continue? When I'm 100 years old, if I even live that long, I will look back on my musical career and remember two artists that influenced me beyond any reckoning...The Beatles, and Dave Matthews Band. I was in the 8th grade when I first heard Dave, and when I first decided that I wanted to be a musician for the rest of my life. I heard and saw how aggressively and uniquely he played his guitar, and I knew that's how I wanted to play. So I did, and I still do. I'm not saying I'm anywhere near as good as Dave, but I try to be. Dave got me in to Berklee College of Music. Dave got me a violinist for the first band I created. Dave got me through high school.
I was gonna try to make a list of my favorite studio versions of Dave songs, my favorite live versions, my favorite Dave & Tim versions...but I can't do it. I really can't. I know this sounds really petty to most of you, but let me put it this way. When I'm depressed, I listen to "Stay or Leave". When I'm hacked off, I listen to "Don't Drink the Water" (specifically the Central Park version). When I'm ridiculously happy, I listen to "Seven". You get it? Dave has a song for every emotion, and most artists don't. I listen to a ton of music. If I'm not making music or listening to music, it's in my head. Every artist I listen to does something to me, does something for me, and I think that's why I love finding new artists...though I admit, I do get some satisfaction out of being the guy that people asked to make mixes for them, it's a nice feeling. But, I digress. No matter who I listen to, I always go back to Dave. And The Beatles, but they're half dead, so I can't write a blog about how pumped I am about seeing them. I know some of you will understand what I'm saying, even if you don't like Dave...most everyone has an artist that they can really relate to. So many people today listen to whatever is cool, or whatever they think makes them look cool, and they don't even know what's really out there. To quote a line from a great track off of DMB's album "Stand Up" entitled "Louisiana Bayou"..."It's a damn shame."
I can't really explain it all that well, I suppose. All I know is that I'm going to be a very happy 19 year old tomorrow morning at 10:00.
Get it, Dave.
I was gonna try to make a list of my favorite studio versions of Dave songs, my favorite live versions, my favorite Dave & Tim versions...but I can't do it. I really can't. I know this sounds really petty to most of you, but let me put it this way. When I'm depressed, I listen to "Stay or Leave". When I'm hacked off, I listen to "Don't Drink the Water" (specifically the Central Park version). When I'm ridiculously happy, I listen to "Seven". You get it? Dave has a song for every emotion, and most artists don't. I listen to a ton of music. If I'm not making music or listening to music, it's in my head. Every artist I listen to does something to me, does something for me, and I think that's why I love finding new artists...though I admit, I do get some satisfaction out of being the guy that people asked to make mixes for them, it's a nice feeling. But, I digress. No matter who I listen to, I always go back to Dave. And The Beatles, but they're half dead, so I can't write a blog about how pumped I am about seeing them. I know some of you will understand what I'm saying, even if you don't like Dave...most everyone has an artist that they can really relate to. So many people today listen to whatever is cool, or whatever they think makes them look cool, and they don't even know what's really out there. To quote a line from a great track off of DMB's album "Stand Up" entitled "Louisiana Bayou"..."It's a damn shame."
I can't really explain it all that well, I suppose. All I know is that I'm going to be a very happy 19 year old tomorrow morning at 10:00.
Get it, Dave.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
An Avett Night
Tonight is an Avett Brothers type of night. If you've never listened to The Avett Brothers, I highly, highly, HIGHLY recommend them, especially their newest album entitled "I and Love and You". It's one of those albums where every song on it is great and you never hit the skip button...which is becoming more and more rare in today's musical climate. Anyway, I was sitting here thinking about what wisdom I could impart on my blog tonight...because in all honesty, I didn't really have a plan for this post, I just felt like it was time for a new one. But I think I've thought of something at least relatively important to say...so, here we go.
In general, my current life...is pretty sucky. I mean, overall. Which happens, I know. I have never once expected my life to be totally great the whole time, and I am 100% aware and accepting of the fact that without life's struggles, the good things that happen to us wouldn't be good...they would just be things. I guess that's the point, in a way. And obviously there are good things in my life right now. I have great friends, a great family, a relatively enjoyable job, and a Taylor 714...which is a guitar, for those of you who weren't sure. But here's the problem.
I have no idea what I'm doing.
Two semesters ago, if you would've asked me if I would've been okay with living at home, I probably would've been tempted to use an expletive to express my utter contempt at the mere mention of such an act. I am tired of Canyon, and I am REALLY tired of Texas. I know that lots of you probably think that Texas is the greatest place on the planet...but if so, then this planet is really crappy. Anyway, I am totally rambling, but here's the gist of what I mean...I feel stuck. Utterly and hopelessly stuck. And it's fine for you to say that I'm not stuck, and I know that I'm not stuck, but that doesn't change the fact that I feeeeeeel like I'm stuck. You know what I mean? There's a pretty substantial difference in feeling and knowing. And it doesn't help that I have no money to go anywhere, and even though I'm getting a decent amount of hours, it would take me a long time to get enough money to go anywhere, let alone attend college. I should probably stop thinking about this before I freak myself out. I guess it's kinda lame for me to post this on the internet, but I guess that's also the point of having a blog. I mean...I'm not requiring you to read this, haha.
I wish I knew what I was doing. Or at least had something concrete to work towards. I mean, obviously I know my ultimate goal...but I wish I had some solid, something I can look at and say "I want that.", you know? And I don't. I'm not even close. Let me know if you have any suggestions. Goodnight.
The Avett Brothers
In general, my current life...is pretty sucky. I mean, overall. Which happens, I know. I have never once expected my life to be totally great the whole time, and I am 100% aware and accepting of the fact that without life's struggles, the good things that happen to us wouldn't be good...they would just be things. I guess that's the point, in a way. And obviously there are good things in my life right now. I have great friends, a great family, a relatively enjoyable job, and a Taylor 714...which is a guitar, for those of you who weren't sure. But here's the problem.
I have no idea what I'm doing.
Two semesters ago, if you would've asked me if I would've been okay with living at home, I probably would've been tempted to use an expletive to express my utter contempt at the mere mention of such an act. I am tired of Canyon, and I am REALLY tired of Texas. I know that lots of you probably think that Texas is the greatest place on the planet...but if so, then this planet is really crappy. Anyway, I am totally rambling, but here's the gist of what I mean...I feel stuck. Utterly and hopelessly stuck. And it's fine for you to say that I'm not stuck, and I know that I'm not stuck, but that doesn't change the fact that I feeeeeeel like I'm stuck. You know what I mean? There's a pretty substantial difference in feeling and knowing. And it doesn't help that I have no money to go anywhere, and even though I'm getting a decent amount of hours, it would take me a long time to get enough money to go anywhere, let alone attend college. I should probably stop thinking about this before I freak myself out. I guess it's kinda lame for me to post this on the internet, but I guess that's also the point of having a blog. I mean...I'm not requiring you to read this, haha.
I wish I knew what I was doing. Or at least had something concrete to work towards. I mean, obviously I know my ultimate goal...but I wish I had some solid, something I can look at and say "I want that.", you know? And I don't. I'm not even close. Let me know if you have any suggestions. Goodnight.
The Avett Brothers
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