Why I Am

Tomorrow is arguably the greatest day of the year for me...wanna know why? I'll tell you. Tomorrow morning, at precisely 10:00, I will be sitting at my computer in my Elvis pajama pants, ordering tickets to see Dave Matthews Band on September 11th, 2010, in Dallas, Texas, at the Superpages.com Center. To most people, this seems unimportant...some anti-Dave individuals will probably even scoff at this. But to me...it's the reason I have 14 versions of "Two Step". It's the reason that last year, when I first saw Dave Matthews Band live, I knew what song they were going to play judging by the guitar Dave had in his hands. It's why I have so many memories linked to Dave Matthews Band songs. It's why my best friends and I shush the heck out of each other so we can hear Dave's tongue-roll in the scat section of the Live in Europe version of "Cornbread". Need I continue? When I'm 100 years old, if I even live that long, I will look back on my musical career and remember two artists that influenced me beyond any reckoning...The Beatles, and Dave Matthews Band. I was in the 8th grade when I first heard Dave, and when I first decided that I wanted to be a musician for the rest of my life. I heard and saw how aggressively and uniquely he played his guitar, and I knew that's how I wanted to play. So I did, and I still do. I'm not saying I'm anywhere near as good as Dave, but I try to be. Dave got me in to Berklee College of Music. Dave got me a violinist for the first band I created. Dave got me through high school.

I was gonna try to make a list of my favorite studio versions of Dave songs, my favorite live versions, my favorite Dave & Tim versions...but I can't do it. I really can't. I know this sounds really petty to most of you, but let me put it this way. When I'm depressed, I listen to "Stay or Leave". When I'm hacked off, I listen to "Don't Drink the Water" (specifically the Central Park version). When I'm ridiculously happy, I listen to "Seven". You get it? Dave has a song for every emotion, and most artists don't. I listen to a ton of music. If I'm not making music or listening to music, it's in my head. Every artist I listen to does something to me, does something for me, and I think that's why I love finding new artists...though I admit, I do get some satisfaction out of being the guy that people asked to make mixes for them, it's a nice feeling. But, I digress. No matter who I listen to, I always go back to Dave. And The Beatles, but they're half dead, so I can't write a blog about how pumped I am about seeing them. I know some of you will understand what I'm saying, even if you don't like Dave...most everyone has an artist that they can really relate to. So many people today listen to whatever is cool, or whatever they think makes them look cool, and they don't even know what's really out there. To quote a line from a great track off of DMB's album "Stand Up" entitled "Louisiana Bayou"..."It's a damn shame."

I can't really explain it all that well, I suppose. All I know is that I'm going to be a very happy 19 year old tomorrow morning at 10:00.


Get it, Dave.

An Avett Night

Tonight is an Avett Brothers type of night. If you've never listened to The Avett Brothers, I highly, highly, HIGHLY recommend them, especially their newest album entitled "I and Love and You". It's one of those albums where every song on it is great and you never hit the skip button...which is becoming more and more rare in today's musical climate. Anyway, I was sitting here thinking about what wisdom I could impart on my blog tonight...because in all honesty, I didn't really have a plan for this post, I just felt like it was time for a new one. But I think I've thought of something at least relatively important to say...so, here we go.

In general, my current life...is pretty sucky. I mean, overall. Which happens, I know. I have never once expected my life to be totally great the whole time, and I am 100% aware and accepting of the fact that without life's struggles, the good things that happen to us wouldn't be good...they would just be things. I guess that's the point, in a way. And obviously there are good things in my life right now. I have great friends, a great family, a relatively enjoyable job, and a Taylor 714...which is a guitar, for those of you who weren't sure. But here's the problem.

I have no idea what I'm doing.

Two semesters ago, if you would've asked me if I would've been okay with living at home, I probably would've been tempted to use an expletive to express my utter contempt at the mere mention of such an act. I am tired of Canyon, and I am REALLY tired of Texas. I know that lots of you probably think that Texas is the greatest place on the planet...but if so, then this planet is really crappy. Anyway, I am totally rambling, but here's the gist of what I mean...I feel stuck. Utterly and hopelessly stuck. And it's fine for you to say that I'm not stuck, and I know that I'm not stuck, but that doesn't change the fact that I feeeeeeel like I'm stuck. You know what I mean? There's a pretty substantial difference in feeling and knowing. And it doesn't help that I have no money to go anywhere, and even though I'm getting a decent amount of hours, it would take me a long time to get enough money to go anywhere, let alone attend college. I should probably stop thinking about this before I freak myself out. I guess it's kinda lame for me to post this on the internet, but I guess that's also the point of having a blog. I mean...I'm not requiring you to read this, haha.

I wish I knew what I was doing. Or at least had something concrete to work towards. I mean, obviously I know my ultimate goal...but I wish I had some solid, something I can look at and say "I want that.", you know? And I don't. I'm not even close. Let me know if you have any suggestions. Goodnight.


The Avett Brothers

Treading Trodden Trails

It would be pretentious of me to say that I'm writing a new blog because I want to update everyone on my life...because, in all actuality, my life is just one of 6,692,030,277 (I looked it up) other lives being lived on this planet. We're all fundamentally the same, most of us have hair and families and problems and aspirations. Because of that, I don't want to say that anything I'm doing is of more importance than anything anyone else is doing. In fact, it's relatively safe to say that anything (or at least, lots of the things) I'm doing are considerably less important than lots of the things that other people are doing. Regardless, here's what's going on.

Anyone who knows me well knows that last semester was a living hell for me. While some things at South Plains College were enjoyable, most of my time there was 100% terrible. I did meet some really great and talented people, and I definitely learned some things, but overall...it's just not the place where I should be. I know that I've been totally fickle about my future, and I apologize for that...one day I'm planning on doing this, and the next day the exact opposite is my plan. So here's what I'm going to do. For this semester, the spring of 2010...I will be staying in Canyon, getting a job, earning and saving money, and seeing what comes next. No, it's not my first choice, but it's the best choice. It's not a good idea, financially, for me to return to college this semester. And even though I feel like a bit of a failure returning home after only one semester...I think it's the right thing for me to do at the moment. If there is one thing that I learned in my brief semester in college...it's that college is not the only way. It isn't absolutely necessary. For some professions, it is helpful, maybe even the only way. But, when it comes to being a modern musician...it isn't vital. A large number of the artists we listen to today didn't attend college at all. So why should I? I'm not saying that I'm opposed to college for other people, or even that I'm opposed to college for me...I'm just opposed to college for me THIS semester. I have no idea where I'll be going or what I'll be doing in the fall, and frankly, I don't think I should worry about it just yet.

If you read all of that, thanks. If you didn't, I don't blame you. I really appreciate all of my friends sticking with me through this tough time I've gone through, and am still going through.

I'm a loser..

...and I gave in to the blogging sensation. I can't decide if it's because I really have something to say, or because I just watched Julie & Julia (don't judge). I've been told that I have a way with words...I don't know if that's true, but maybe this will help me figure that out.

I read a quote once by F. Scott Fitzgerald (author of "The Great Gatsby") that said "You do not write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say." For me, that was like a swift kick in the balls. As an aspiring but almost always cliche and unsuccessful songwriter, I've spent the last year and a half of my life trying to think of ways to make something I sing mean something. I can tell you what almost every song The Beatles ever recorded is about, I have twelve different versions of the fantastic Dave Matthews tune "Two Step", I know a million useless facts about the British Invasion, about the folk revival of the 60s, about Delta blues, but I cannot write a single lyric that means anything legitimate. I promise I'm not complaining or anything, nor do I think that I'm doomed to fail. "Iris", The Goo Goo Dolls most popular song ever, was written after John Rzeznik had three years of severe writers block...and sobriety. Hahahaha. Needless to say, I don't plan on becoming a drunkard, then stopping for three years, then getting drunk one more time and writing a totally ballin' song, I simply used this example to prove...that I still have hope.

Berklee College of Music, you are a beautiful and not yet extinguished dream...and I definitely appreciate you accepting me into your prestigious school...but why the crizzledy crizzap do you have to cost $50,000 a year? Fortunately, I've found another college that I feel may be a very legitimate possibility for next fall.

And the best part?
It's in New York City.
City College of New York



Anyway, thanks for reading.
I assume I'll be around.